It’s been nearly a month since my last post. The closing of the year gave me a lot to think about. A lot to sift and sort in my mind. Sometimes we just get into autopilot, flying ahead at breakneck pace, afraid to stop. For a long time, I’ve been chanting the mantra of slowing down. Be in the moment. Smell the flowers. Walk don’t run.
And I’ve paid lip service to some of the movements, like leaving the car at home more often, dropping extraneous commitments and social obligations that didn’t seem to serve my wellbeing so much. But I haven’t really managed to slow down the speed of my internal flee from grace. I was aware that at times I seemed to be more running away than running towards a new and brighter horizon.
This year I’ve learned so much…
I’ve learned the importance of making space for my creative work. When I have time to be creative, all other aspects of my life flow well. This also means I have learned to start ditching the guilt about having time to myself. Vital.
I’ve learned that blogging is an adventure and that it is sometimes hard. I’ve observed that being honest and authentic in the way I write is paramount to achieving a sense of satisfaction (or call it success) and that by trying to force myself to stick to rigid schedules about writing/posting regularly makes it difficult for me to go with my own natural flow, and to remain authentic on my blogs. I’ve backed this up with observations that the best bloggers (my own favourites) don’t post everyday.
The role of inspiration…
I’ve learned the importance of filling the well, in order to keep all the above working effectively. As a writer or artist, you need to have fun, to play and be a bit wild sometimes, to keep your inspiration jar topped up. This one I have had much difficulty with. I’m inclined to over-focus on the serious stuff that needs to be done. All work and not enough play. So finding things that keep me inspired is like life-blood importance to me. Right now I’m diving back into reading for pleasure, and seeking out artworks that excite me.
I’ve learned that art college (the establishment) does not inspire me much. Being forced to churn out uninspiring ‘art’ to fulfil academia’s criteria of what makes me a potentially good artist is damaging my mojo. For now I will jump the hoops to learn the things I want to grab from the experience, and value the friendships I am forming there. I’ll keep an open-mind, or try, for sure. But no great plans to carry on into the Fine Art degree, or whatever other path they deem me fit for. Therein lies the problem. The judgement factor. As I feared.
The point of practicality…
And I’ve learned that half-completed posts rarely feel right to be finished when I come back to them. That time is so often running away from me. That I can’t always put my posts together the way I would like to (according to my ideals of perfection). So I will endeavour just to finish them if I need to and hang the imperfections. Hit publish and retreat.
I want to avoid too much rhetoric and hyperbole about what 2010 might hold. It’s an open book, with beautiful creamy white pages. I’m looking forward to filling them with my creative scribbles, but for now, I’ll enjoy the empty spaces on the pages while I can.
